Post by Redkitebait on Dec 23, 2014 17:37:18 GMT 1
In the History, you used the name Brook which I think you forgot to change to Bree?
If she's abandoned society, why would she desire to participate in a dragon race, where there are a LOT of people?
I feel like she needs more reason to live in the forest than simply 'its nice here'. This is Berk. Berk is cold. Very cold. Without proper shelter, food and resources she wouldn't survive the winter, let alone devastating winter. It would be interesting to explore if she knows whether Berk is safe or not since the incident. But if she steals stuff from Berk she would see that it's not overrun by outcasts, thus safe to return? She has a family, doesn't she miss them? And basic human contact? The victorian cases of feral children were much younger than Bree, she left when she was older so she's got 12 years of human contact and culture, she's not just going to forget that, that's something engrained. I think it's something that needs developing and thinking about.
I'd like to precise that whole-nadder spines are not going to be great with archery - she should whittle them down into arrows, she could get quite a few from them - but I'm not sure how sound they would be, because they're made up of the same stuff as our hair and nails, instead of the usual wood which is a lot sturdier/denser. Nadder spines are supposed to be venomous, so sticking whole ones in her boot is probably not a wise move.
I can't really allow odd-eyed dragons - that kind of trait is very rare in mammals, even more so in reptiles.
And one last warning - remember characters that avoid/deter people will have a tough time getting into RP's! Keep this in mind when making your character
I think that's about it for now, let me know when you make changes and we'll look at it again ^^
If she's abandoned society, why would she desire to participate in a dragon race, where there are a LOT of people?
I feel like she needs more reason to live in the forest than simply 'its nice here'. This is Berk. Berk is cold. Very cold. Without proper shelter, food and resources she wouldn't survive the winter, let alone devastating winter. It would be interesting to explore if she knows whether Berk is safe or not since the incident. But if she steals stuff from Berk she would see that it's not overrun by outcasts, thus safe to return? She has a family, doesn't she miss them? And basic human contact? The victorian cases of feral children were much younger than Bree, she left when she was older so she's got 12 years of human contact and culture, she's not just going to forget that, that's something engrained. I think it's something that needs developing and thinking about.
I'd like to precise that whole-nadder spines are not going to be great with archery - she should whittle them down into arrows, she could get quite a few from them - but I'm not sure how sound they would be, because they're made up of the same stuff as our hair and nails, instead of the usual wood which is a lot sturdier/denser. Nadder spines are supposed to be venomous, so sticking whole ones in her boot is probably not a wise move.
I can't really allow odd-eyed dragons - that kind of trait is very rare in mammals, even more so in reptiles.
And one last warning - remember characters that avoid/deter people will have a tough time getting into RP's! Keep this in mind when making your character
I think that's about it for now, let me know when you make changes and we'll look at it again ^^
We don't often get apps that are accepted straight away...